Sunday, January 22, 2012

How to fake drink when you’re pregs & fool your co-workers – my 5 best tips


During my first pregnancy, when I was hyper-sensitive about being outed before I was ready, I masterminded all kinds of ways to fake drink during social events with co-workers and friends. This time around, I haven’t had to rely on any of those acquired skills, and I kinda miss the challenge.

My favorite story, which I haven’t even told yet to my dear friends whom I fooled (SURPRISE Michelle, Allison and Alexa!), was when I was meeting up with some friends at a restaurant in Tremont that I had been looking forward to trying, Ty Fun.

When I arrived, I realized in a panic that one of my best tricks up till that time (tip #3: pay off the bartender) was dead in the water. If you haven’t been to Ty Fun, it’s one giant room and my friends had already been seated with a clear view of me when I walked in. What to do?!!! I said hello, left my coat on my chair and said I needed to visit the ladies’ room.

From my bathroom stall, I Googled the restaurant’s phone number, called them up and asked if whoever was assigned as our server would bring me an alcohol-free version of whatever drink I asked for. The ridiculous, yet effective, convo went something like this.

Restaurant: “So what table are you at?”

Me: “My three friends are seated in the back. I have red hair.”

Restaurant: “I don’t see you.”

Me: “I know. I’m calling you from the bathroom.”

Restaurant: “Why are you calling from the bathroom?”

Me: “Because I don’t want my friends to know I’m pregnant so I can’t actually order a non-alcoholic drink. Can you please help me?!”

Restaurant: “Uh, okay.”

Of course all of my friends were drinking red wine, which is hard to fake (I have faked white before though), so I ordered the house mixed drink special…WHICH CAME OUT WITH A GIANT PINEAPPLY FRUIT ACCOUTREMENT. I don’t know how I didn’t get outed right then and there because it looked so ridiculous, but I made it!

So, without further adieu, here are my top five tips:

1. Be selective with outings – yes, it sucks to be a homebody before you even birth your little ball and chain…errr bundle of joy, but pick your battles.

2. Arrive with a co-conspirator – if you can, find a friend you can trust who can be your wingman in case your plan goes to hell.

3. Go early – if you’re on your own, get there first so you can order a non-alcoholic drink that looks legit.

4. Make friends/pay off your server/bartender – briefly explain your situation and ask them to not make a big deal about bringing you your fake drink. Tip big.

5. White wine or mixed drinks are the easiest to fake – if a friend wants to try yours, say you’re not feeling well and don’t want to give them germs.

BONUS: If you’re put on the spot, order a drink, take a sip and then fake a headache. Someone did this to me, and it totally fooled me.

What has worked for you guys? Any massive fails?

9 comments:

  1. OMG.

    I think a vodka soda sans vodka would work without the umbrella drink!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ha! Since I don't usually drink those, I thought my drinking buds would call me out. I was so paranoid back then!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I faked vodka tonics. I would go to the bar alone and ask for a tonic water with a lime on the glass and no one was the wiser.

    How do you fake white wine? What do you ask them to pour in instead?

    ReplyDelete
  4. D., I have actually brought a bottle of Snapple green tea with me...it looks really close to a light-bodied white wine. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. That is brilliant. I will use it with my next pregnancy! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ha! Thanks! It's a little crazy, too, no?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ӏts like you read mу mind! You seеm tο know so much
    аbοut thiѕ, like you ωгote the book in it or somеthing.
    ӏ thіnk that you can do ωith a fеw pics tο driνe the mеssage homе а little bіt, but іnsteаd of
    thаt, this is wοnԁerful blog. A fantаstic read.
    I'll certainly be back.
    My site - Detox Depo Provera Out Your Body

    ReplyDelete
  8. Howdy! This post couldn't be written much better! Looking through this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He constantly kept preaching about this. I will send this post to him. Pretty sure he'll have a great
    read. Thank you for sharing!
    Feel free to surf my blog post - reviews on african mango

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanκ you for thе ausріcious writeup.
    Ιt in fаct was a amusement асcount it.
    Look аdvanced to mοre addeԁ аgгeeable fгom уou!
    By the ωаy, hoω cоuld we communіcate?


    Also visіt mу webpage - http://www.misikoprubasi.com/
    My page > http://www.residenceongreenbelt.net/make-safety-with-stun-gun.html

    ReplyDelete