How to fake drink when you’re pregs & fool your co-workers – my 5 best tips

During my first pregnancy, when I was hyper-sensitive about being outed before I was ready, I masterminded all kinds of ways to fake drink during social events with co-workers and friends. This time around, I haven’t had to rely on any of those acquired skills, and I kinda miss the challenge.

My favorite story, which I haven’t even told yet to my dear friends whom I fooled (SURPRISE Michelle, Allison and Alexa!), was when I was meeting up with some friends at a restaurant in Tremont that I had been looking forward to trying, Ty Fun.

When I arrived, I realized in a panic that one of my best tricks up till that time (tip #3: pay off the bartender) was dead in the water. If you haven’t been to Ty Fun, it’s one giant room and my friends had already been seated with a clear view of me when I walked in. What to do?!!! I said hello, left my coat on my chair and said I needed to visit the ladies’ room.

From my bathroom stall, I Googled the restaurant’s phone number, called them up and asked if whoever was assigned as our server would bring me an alcohol-free version of whatever drink I asked for. The ridiculous, yet effective, convo went something like this.

Restaurant: “So what table are you at?”

Me: “My three friends are seated in the back. I have red hair.”

Restaurant: “I don’t see you.”

Me: “I know. I’m calling you from the bathroom.”

Restaurant: “Why are you calling from the bathroom?”

Me: “Because I don’t want my friends to know I’m pregnant so I can’t actually order a non-alcoholic drink. Can you please help me?!”

Restaurant: “Uh, okay.”

Of course all of my friends were drinking red wine, which is hard to fake (I have faked white before though), so I ordered the house mixed drink special…WHICH CAME OUT WITH A GIANT PINEAPPLY FRUIT ACCOUTREMENT. I don’t know how I didn’t get outed right then and there because it looked so ridiculous, but I made it!

So, without further adieu, here are my top five tips:

1. Be selective with outings – yes, it sucks to be a homebody before you even birth your little ball and chain…errr bundle of joy, but pick your battles.

2. Arrive with a co-conspirator – if you can, find a friend you can trust who can be your wingman in case your plan goes to hell.

3. Go early – if you’re on your own, get there first so you can order a non-alcoholic drink that looks legit.

4. Make friends/pay off your server/bartender – briefly explain your situation and ask them to not make a big deal about bringing you your fake drink. Tip big.

5. White wine or mixed drinks are the easiest to fake – if a friend wants to try yours, say you’re not feeling well and don’t want to give them germs.

BONUS: If you’re put on the spot, order a drink, take a sip and then fake a headache. Someone did this to me, and it totally fooled me.

What has worked for you guys? Any massive fails?

We survived! Deets on our kiddy bag of tricks

We're home! Dylan is still sick, but he toughed it out during the flight. We got to the airport with plenty of time to spare, and since our gate was right next to a kids' play area, he got to climb through tunnels before being couped up on the plane.

Thankfully, our flight came in 40 minutes early. Phil and I juggled D between our laps since he just wanted to cuddle as he slept all three hours or so. My stomach was in knots before that flight because we weren't sure how he would do. In hindsight, planning a cross-country trip with an 18-month-year-old was a bit ambitious, no? I do think, though, that we were pretty prepared for travel. Here's some intel on my strategy for smooth-as-possible travel:

1. Booked Dylan his own seat on our flights -- we got our own row and that was great
2. Premade four bottles before each flight so he had as much milk as he wanted
3. Bought a bunch of new mini toys and books plus some of his faves to introduce at various times during the flight to keep him occupied. I was really excited about this Fisher-Price iPhone case, but he still wanted the phone outside of the case
4. Brought a lot of little snacks
5. Used a lightweight car seat (we borrowed it from a friend) on the flight -- we debated between a seat and CARES but I felt that he would sleep better in a car seat
6. Made him his own playlist for the flight -- it's no coincidence that the kid's initials are DJK: this kid loves music. His fave songs definitely comforted him when he got upset or restless on the plane

Our next fam trip is slated for April to Florida. Thankfully, a shorter flight. :)

Cable cars, Musee Mecanique & puke

As soon as we bought a one-day pass for the cable and street cars (literally), Dylan threw up in his stroller. Thankfully I carry a mess of bibs and wipes in the diaper bag so we could clean him up and then head back to our hotel nearby. He took a long nap and we knew we needed to leave the hotel at some point to get our room cleaned, so we crossed our fingers and took a cable car ride. Dylan seemed to be doing OK, so we rode it to the wharf and visited the quirky Musee Mecanique, which I liked from my last trip.

Dylan got to run around and Phil watched an old XXX reel. I watched the same one last time, and it featured a woman beating the crap out of a guy. Ha!

I bought a crab cake on the pier and we rode the cable car back to the hotel. Once we got back, Dylan started running a fever. I have never been more aware of how far we are from home and how long the flight is to get there. :(