A dent in our navigating confidence

Whew. Today was a bit of a doozy. I'm sure I'll be laughing about this later, but for now, I'm glad to be back at the hotel. We got a bit over-confident with our ability to navigate around and pretty much earned a "stupid Americans" moniker for the day. Damn T-shirt man's curse from last night!

Our morning started off great with a visit to the weekend market to peruse souvenirs, home décor accessories, quirky clothes, food and pets. Mary scored some interesting finds (see video and photo)...family: consider this your PG-13 warning. We also had a delicious lunch from one of the food stalls for about 75 cents. That's what I'm talking about!

Then we decided to go to Pattaya Beach, which was more like ghetto beach. Long story short, the half-dozen or so guide books we consulted all said bus transportation was about 2-2.5 hours for $4, but instead, we ended up with a four-hour bus ride from hell.

At first the blaring Thai heavy metal music was funny (at least it helped to camouflage our driver's incessant honking), and I giggled whenever the crazy ramps over the klongs (canals) left me airborne. But then the constant stopping got old, and I was tired of people getting on to peddle fruits and drinks.

The scenery was kind of cool...rice marshes, roadside portraits of the king and queen, palace ruins, etc. And, we were amazed that English was still prevalent on signage way outside the city limits.

But as 2.5 hours ticked by and then three, we started to get nervous since we didn't appear to be anywhere near the water and the area was getting shadier by the minute. There were two other farangs (foreigners) on the bus, too, and they were just as freaked out as we were, so at least we weren't alone.

When we finally reached the last stop at the water's edge, the area was less than desirable. And, when we checked at the bus station, they said we had to go somewhere else to get picked up to go back to Bangkok. Oh, I asked in my best Thai if they understood English and they said, "huh?" Mary asked the same question in English and they started laughing and said "yes." So embarrassing.

We started looking for a reputable hotel to ask for help and came across a taxi stand for the airport and were able to negotiate a ride back to Bangkok for about $30 (again, the exchange rate rocks). While we waited, we chilled out with giant beers. A motorcycle taxi pulled up, and I said, "oh hell no," under my breath, but then a bonafide cab pulled up. There must not be open container laws in Thailand because our cabbie said, "You've got beer; I've got nuts" and showed us his snacks. First thing that was funny in four hours.

The drive back took two hours; however, our driver was going 140 kilometers per hour. Honestly, I didn't mind at all. I just wanted to get back and eat something.

At dinner I realized that I misplaced my wallet, which didn't help my mood, but Mary found it in the room not long after. Whew! We ate at a yummy Indian joint and licked our wounds with my favorite dish: paneer makhani.

We read in the paper this morning that the Grand Palace would be hosting royal cremation ceremonies for Princess Glyani Vadhana from sunset to sunrise, so we took the Sky Train to the last stop and then negotiated a fare with a tuk tuk driver to take us the rest of the way to the palace.

Our driver ended up being an a-hole and took us to a jewelry shop instead. When we protested, he took us to a dark alley and told us to get out. We reamed him a new one and he took us back to the Sky Train and then we got a new driver. Ugh!

There were thousands paying their respects at the Grand Palace tonight. Really cool to see, but the shoulder-to-shoulder crowds made me a bit claustrophobic. We listened to beautiful chanting for a little while and then decided to head back.

We made sure to stop at a shrine near our hotel to give thanks to Buddha for our safe return. Hopefully he didn't mind that we asked for a fun day tomorrow, which includes elephant riding and rafting. For me, this is the highlight of the trip!

A royal funeral, silk suits, good eats & a curse

Today began a six-day royal cremation ceremony for the king's elder sister, so our plans to visit temples and the palace were derailed since they are closed until Monday. Although the princess died in January, the royal urn took several months to make and will house her bones. Her ashes will be kept separately. Very sad that the country is in mourning since it loves its royal family dearly.

We started off our morning with an awesome breakfast of pancakes, hash browns, sushi, dim sum, curried noodles and cheeses...can't beat that mix of Western and Eastern dishes. Then we explored the fashion district near our hotel. It's amazing how westernized Bangkok is...English is enormously prevalent. However, we learned quickly that people love it when you try to speak Thai because it gives them an opportunity to practice their English, which was much, much better than the few Thai phrases I've been able to cobble together.

We chatted with a pharma science professor and then a manager of a nail salon (you know we got manipedis on the cheap!), who were very helpful and kind with sightseeing suggestions. The manager told us he's getting married soon and wants to take his family (60 people!!!) to London for their honeymoon. He urged us to go to a tailor and have suits custom made, and went so far as to wave down a tuk tuk (a pimped out golf cart with A LOT more speed), negotiate a fare for us and send us on our way.

Mary and I hadn't discussed having suits made, but we figured what the hell and obliged. I picked out a pretty blue silk and a skirted suit design. We'll see how it turns out. We need to go in Monday for a fitting and they should be ready on Tuesday. Fairly reasonable, so if I hate it, oh well.

We ended up hiring our tuk tuk driver for a good part of the morning, and he would take us to a shop and then wait outside for us to return. He took us for typical American tourists and dropped us off at a few shops that ushered us into secret passageways to view "genuine" luxury purses. Funny, but no thanks. With a generous tip, our driver rental amounted to about $6. The exchange rate is crazy.

Riding in the tuk tuk was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time because of the awesome breeze and heart-attack feeling whenever our driver zoomed head-on into traffic, which was often. I have never seen traffic like Bangkok's. It's like Rome and NYC x 10. Oh, and the pollution can be extreme on the roads. Many people, especially motorcyclists, wear masks.

After a morning of exploring, we headed back to our hotel and grabbed a late lunch at Cabbages & Condoms, a quirky restaurant that promotes safe sex and helps fund Thailand's Population and Community Development Association. The idea is that if condoms were as prevalent in Thailand as cabbage, the country would a safer place. Male diners can score a free vasectomy next door at the clinic after their meal. Uh, no thanks.

Hysterically, all kinds of life-size figures are concocted out of condoms and birth control pills, even Santa Claus. All the light fixtures are made from condom designs, and they're actually pretty! The food was good too. I had a yummy tofu Phad Thai. And, unlike what I've heard, we rarely saw prostitutes...just a few on the walk home late tonight (where I also was cursed by a vendor for refusing to buy his cheapo elephant shirt...even though he didn't have my size and I said "no thank you" in Thai! It really bothered me.)

We power napped at our hotel (super convenient to the Sky Train...I love it even more today) and then wandered nearby. The streets we walked hours before were completely different...bodies were packed like sardines on the sidewalk and smells from food cooking in sidewalk stalls both delighted and disgusted me...not so crazy about fish-head soup.

The we wandered toward Old World Bangkok toward the west and went to dinner at Breeze in The Dome at State Tower, which was on the rooftop and offered spectacular views. I ordered us Shanghai dumplings, spinach tofu (not so good) and awesome beef hor-fun (okay, I admit I wanted to order it partly because the name made me giggle). The beef dish featured thick noodles and wok-braised wagyu. And, the chef gave us candied cashews to nosh before our meal and five dipping sauces with crunchy, clear veggie sticks (no idea what they were).

Bangkok reminds me of a cross between NYC because of its dense population and abundant sky scrapers and Vegas since it lights up at night with turbo neon everywhere. Such an interesting place. Tomorrow we're headed to the weekend market...15,000 stalls!!!...and maybe the beach.

Sawatdee ka!

Thailand Top 10

Just arrived at our hotel in Bangkok, which is awesome!!! and in the fashion district. It's after midnight here, which means it feels like noon because of the 12-hour time difference. Before I attempt to get a good night's rest, wanted to share my top 10 list of things that I'm most excited/curious/freaked out about for this trip:

1. The exchange rate is 34 baht for every $1. The fact that mani/pedis are $3 was a big factor in planning this trip. Seriously!

2. It is impolite to point your feet at anyone in Thailand, so I'm not sure if people walk like ducks here. We'll see.

3. I can't wait to ride an elephant!

4. I most likely will be size XL in Thailand. Great self-esteem booster. The upside is that I'd most likely have a huge bra size too. :)

5. I also am out of luck with buying shoes since none are made above size 8, and I'm a 9. Phil is happy, but I am not.

6. Thailand is uber-patriotic. The royal anthem plays twice a day. TV, radio stations and train stations air the anthem and you are expected to stop and stand still wherever you are.

7. Traffic in Bangkok will be one way in the morning and then a completely different direction a few hours later. It's completely random. I plan to look left, ride, forward, backward, cross-eyed before crossing any street. I heard that traffic is like NYC on steroids.

8. Bangkok was once called the Venice of the East, but many of its canals have been filled in with cement to allow for road construction. Crazy!

9. Bangkok has Novemberfest...the start of Thailand's annual beer garden season, where tables and chairs are brought out onto the street and beers are available on tap. A large jug of Beer Chang costs $2. DAS BOOT!

10. Thai is a tonal language (there are five types of tones), so word meanings are partially determined by intonation and pitch. Basically hello and goodbye are the same word just said with different pitches. And, "ka," which means "yes," can also mean "to kill." I'm so screwed!